Halfway through and only just beginning - Yesing my way through life.

12am 1st of January 2018 I sat on that questionable terrazza in Chile, saying Cheers to the New Year with a non-alcoholic cocktail and a slice of pizza. The stray dog at my feet lay quite happily, unfazed by all the noise around us, and I laughed as I began my commitment to saying Yes to my year, to my life.

We're now halfway through this commitment and I really want to consider what saying yes has done for me and those around me.

To start with I want to apologise for saying yes to making the word yes a verb; it just feels appropriate this year.

So as anyone who has read my January 1st blog knows, I started by saying yes to the circumstances offered to me. Not just accepting these circumstances but embracing them. I laughed at every level of imperfection in that moment and thought about how perfect it actually was. I could have chosen never to have taken on the challenge of going to South America for four weeks, with cancer, after two major surgeries and while still taking oral chemotherapy. AND after finding out more tumours had grown. I said yes anyway, which really means I was a bit pre-emptive in this whole yesing thing. I said yes to not drinking alcohol because it would make me feel terrible if I did. I said yes to the pizza terrazza because after getting dressed up we were struggling to find places to eat, and, after all, what did I care, I was in Chile?! I said yes to meeting new people everywhere, chatting and finding out interesting new things. I said an emphatic YES to trying to get my Spanish back after so many years of letting it slip away from me. And I said yes to enjoying every moment. I laughed at everything during that trip, possibly to the annoyance of my poor friend at times of stress but I'm sure it worked out for the better. To be honest, I was just so happy to be living my life.

And that hasn't changed!

This year I said yes to kayaking to Rangitoto. Ok, it was a double kayak but I definitely did some of the paddling (and all of the dodgy steering). Again I laughed my way across there and all the way back too.

I said yes to doing the Auckland Harbour Bridge Climb for my friend's hen do. That morning I had nausea so I dosed up on all my nausea pills, sat down every time the guide stopped to talk and had a brilliant time. Especially laughing at my friend who thought we had taken her to go bungy jumping!

Yesing was also pretty enthusiastic when my grandparents offered me a helicopter flight over Queenstown. My Grandad made a special request for me to have the front seat (and since at that time I had a walking stick, which I'd said yes to because I'd just got out of hospital and could barely stay upright, I got it). That flight was stunning and, having never been in a helicopter before, the experience was something I couldn't have imagined.

The next week, after having mentioned it to my dad, we headed up north to Paihia to go parasailing. I was smiling like mad, throwing my arms out and laughing as we ascended to about 1000 feet (that's not much less than the Skytower or Eiffel Tower). I got down and demanded I wanted to go again, unfortunately nobody said yes to that.

I then decided that since we were up north we might as well continue on to Cape Reinga where the souls depart for their final journey, and only about two or so hours each way from Paihia.......thankfully my dad also decided to have a yes moment and we made the trip up to one of the most spiritual places I've ever experienced. Of course there was a paved path to the lighthouse and then there was also a little bit of a dirt track to the top of a hill, so I wanted to take that one first. We got to the top, I took my shoes off, started to soak in the feeling and then the skies opened and drenched us with absolutely no shelter to get to. Once again, we laughed as I raced to gather my things and tried to get back down the, now very muddy, hill.

I said yes no matter what to being bridesmaid at my wonderful friends' wedding. After a change of plans due to treatment I booked a second set of last minute flights, popped those antinausea pills as much as I was allowed and made it there for a great day celebrating my friends' happiness together.

Yes also came when I headed off to the Robbie Williams concert not just without shame but with pride! I sang to every song at the top of my lungs and pretended I was a young teenager again!

Then I did it again when I made it to Ed Sheeran. Two absolutely amazing people gifted me the tickets and when I handed them to my mum (who has what may not be illegal but definitely a weird crush on him) she was actually speechless - for the first time in my lifetime. I conveniently got admitted to hospital on the Saturday morning as I was unable to eat or drink. I was however very capable of making sure every doctor was aware I needed to be out for the Ed Sheeran concert on the Monday night. In the end we negotiated our way to ward leave, I escaped home to paint my face on so I looked like I was actually alive, and headed off to the concert to finally sneak back into my hospital room at midnight. I wasn't going to miss out on that opportunity, hospital or not!

I've also said yes to new friendships, strengthening friendships, supporting people wherever possible and devoting time to my family. I've started some speaking, although with my health it's been slow going on organising these opportunities. How rewarding all of these yeses have been to my life!

My most important yes yet has been saying yes to radiation on my liver. Saying yes to all the pretty unpleasant possibilities because I figured cancer is more unpleasant in the end. This was probably the most challenging of all the treatments I have received and I'm glad I chose it because on Thursday my oncologist said yes to me! Yes! The two tumours in my liver had shrunk and should hopefully continue to do so. He said Yes, book a trip to Europe to visit my friends (and go vampire hunting). It took me awhile to say anything let alone yes at this point because I was so relieved, excited, I don't think an appropriate word actually exists to describe this emotion, to say anything at all!
This doesn't mean all is resolved, there's still plenty going on. It is, however, the first positive scan I have had since this all began in January 2017.

It's wonderful to know too that my year of yes has inspired others to say yes more. I've had a call from my excited mother to tell me how she had ended up sitting chatting to complete strangers while waiting for her dinner to arrive - something that is completely out of her comfort zone. I had a message from my friend, an occupational therapist in a hospital, who had had a patient request for her to sing for him. At first she said no out of embarrassment but her patient was keen for her to sing and so she said yes. The happiness for both of them during that moment sounded beautiful and the happiness it gave me to hear that was too. I know of some other yeses too but I don't want to share these without permission. Thank you so much to everyone for taking the time to get in touch to let me know about your yes moments! It's beautiful to be a part of your journey too.

There is so much more yesing I have done so far this year, i can't possibly put it in this blog without it just becoming a monotonous list. What I will say is I am so happy with my decision to live like this. I have discovered many things about the world and myself. I have seen relationships bloom and realised that fear exists only in the head; when I tell it it has no hold over me then I am perfectly right.

I also want to thank the extremely important people who have made so much of my yes list possible this year. I am receiving intense medical treatment and unable to work. Without the astounding generosity of these people I would not have had some of these opportunities. Thank you really doesn't cut it for what I am trying to express.

Finally, please, if you are making the most of yes moments in your life too, share them. Share your achievement, your embracing of life and living it to it's fullest. Big or small it doesn't matter. Each yes enriches our time here!

YES, YES, YES!!!