Thrills, pills and a headscarf

"I used to think time was a thief. But you give before you take. Time is a gift. Every minute. Every Second."  - Alice Kingsliegh from Alice through the Looking Glass. This quote really resonated with me the other day when watching the film for the second time (the first time thinking I was perfectly healthy and had decades left in my life). It made me really think about my appreciation of the time I have and the people and opportunities I have or have had in my life. About a month ago I took another blow to my already "not great" diagnosis. My treatment plan is out the window and lots of question marks started flying around my medical teams. What did I do in response to this news? Insisted we had dinner by the waterfront and the next morning I went to the beach. Sitting on the beach I was happy. Not a feeling many people might expect me to feel the day after that news but I felt so fortunate to be able to take myself to the beach, feel the sun shining do...

I bought a key ring with this very statement (one I still believe in) in March in this year after my first cancer diagnosis and before the second, much worse, diagnosis. My fight started this year in January when I went in for surgery on my liver. Although the doctors were a bit confused by the scans I was assured it couldn't be cancer, I didn't have the right indicators for it. After being sliced open, as I like to term it, my surgeon realised I actually had a huge tumour (over 2 kg!) which had taken possession of my adrenal gland. Thankfully, having such an amazing surgeon he quickly changed tack and it was removed. I named her Gertrude the Great - because why not? It was a couple of weeks later that the cancer diagnosis came back, one that took me by total surprise. I guess I'd taken being a healthy person for granted all this time and even with the tumour didn't really believe I could have cancer. It's a very weird thing looking mortality in the face at 30....